The Hard Way To Know You're Still Alive

They say bad luck comes in threes. Hardly a pleasant proverb to think about when two bad things happen to you. It's complete rubbish of course. It is only when three bad things happen that it springs to your mind

A month or so ago I was chewing on a legendary liquorice torpedo and snap, Bobby's tooth and filling disintegrates. A couple of weeks later, my mother-in-law's tooth gave way. That's a long old journey just to get a darn tooth fixed. Then a week after that, my mum's tooth broke. Not a popular trend and I'll take the blame for it.

Unfortunately this theory becomes cyclical. Mum and Dad's boiler broke down, the printer ran out of ink, and mum's tooth broke. Three bits of bad luck, and the best part of a grand gone in a flash. A harsh few days, but it happens.

Breaking my tooth got me randomly thinking about the worst pain I have been through. I tend to look back on those moments fondly, strangely enough. If you can overcome severe pain, hardships, I think it stands you in good stead for what may lay ahead. That's not to say I encourage and embrace it, but it prepares you.

When I was a kid, I had a tooth abscess. That was as painful as they come. Toothache is miserable, wisdom teeth issues are not pleasant, and I've had them all. The abscess was a different ball game however. Having a needle pushed through your tooth twice a week for a couple of weeks, when you're 12 years old, was not my idea of fun in my prepubescent era.

Another fairly miserable one was these mysterious stomach seizures I had as a kid. Frequently over a period of six months, I was in agony and curled up in a ball screaming. Had various checks and tests at the doctors and turned out I was massively constipated. No kid in their right mind wanted to go to the toilet at my school and risk being pelted with soggy tissues and so on, so I just avoided it. Needless to say, the doc said I was full of shit and there was only one remedy for that!

Then a stack load of other injuries playing football, getting up to mischief, drunken mishaps. All of which lead to dislocations, sprains, cuts and breaks. Looking down at half of your finger pointing upwards is slightly surreal. Cracking it back in place then driving an hour to the hospital is even more so. But you take a deep breath, suck it up, and do what you have to do.

As everybody’s (for ‘everybody’s’ read ‘my’) favourite lyricist says: ‘Feeling pain’s a hard way to know you’re still alive.’ I could not have put it any better Barry. However, when he sung those magical words, he was referring to a psychological pain rather than the brutal nature of physical. I think both of those are true and I was reminded of it only a week last Thursday.

An early morning start at my laptop and a strong coffee was going well until my trusty old laptop decided to pack up and apparently go to laptop heaven. He suffered the physical pain I guess, but it was me that had to redo the work lost from that morning. I gave him the equivalent of laptop mouth-to-mouth and he has survived, but he is heading to the Knackers’ Yard.

Next up was our Swisscom box – our satellite box. He also decided to pack up and there was no saving this one. A tragic loss, but he lived a good and extremely full life recording football match after football match with the occasional Gossip Girl in between.

Two fairly painful pieces of bad luck in the same day, and those which border more on inconvenience and the hassle that goes with it, so I would bracket them in the psychological category. I should really have known what was coming when I played football that night when a beautiful driven shot connected with the post….the non-footballing type of post – if you catch my drift.

There is nothing worse than that sickening feeling in your stomach –not the needle through the tooth, not the stomach pains, nor the dislocation. Popping babies out doesn’t even come close I am certain as any man will testify. I have actually carried out a survey as to the extent of human pain. My Research said that pregnancy came in 3rd worst in the list of most painful ills, Man Flu came in 2nd, and a swift kick in the nuts topped the list. It must therefore be true.

They are all tests and they challenge us physically and mentally. Whether it is the broken tooth, losing the work on your laptop, or the boiler breaking down. Adversity and pain is a hard way to know we’re still alive, but it strengthens our resolve. It’s all about the bouncebackability and coping and surviving. Just consider it a reminder that whatever the pain, you are actually still alive.

Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional

If you happen one day to be fortunate enough to be invited to Leeds, or even just a visit to Lausanne, you’ll be afforded the opportunity to see the Esteva library. Don’t expect to see Chaucer, I had more than enough of muppets like him at school. Don’t expect to find the latest crime thriller by Patricia Cornwell – coming from Leeds and having lived in Liverpool and Barcelona, I’ve first-hand experience of that kind of stuff. Apart from the Dexter series, you will find a predominantly sports-autobiography based collection. There are plenty of other gems in there, but either way, it is sport pretty much. That will not surprise most people who know me, and if it does, then we need to get to know each other a bit better and you need to buy me a drink.

I strongly lean towards autobiographies. I am fascinated to learn about the sportsmen and women that I admire and the psychology behind what makes them what they are. I mentioned it in a previous blog post, but my recent reading of Andre Agassi’s book was a real eye-opener, and gave me a completely different perspective of him.

Sat on my bookshelf in Lausanne is one particular book written and given to me by a friend of mine when it came out gift just over a year ago. It is called Englischer Fussball by Raphael Honigstein. In one particular chapter, it details a trait which he argues is very English – the need to suffer unnecessarily, taking the long route, and even taking a subconscious enjoyment from it. Being faced with adversity or some form of pain – physical or psychological – and being able to show that you can truck through it, survive and overcome it. I know there are certain elements that sit somewhere in my mindset along these lines, and I think it is the same with many folks. Whether it is a typically English thing, I am not so sure, I know others who are similar. It is not a case of eliciting sympathy or attention, it is purely a mechanism that works in the brain, probably to build psychological strength. That is my logic anyhow, maybe some folks think differently. Unquestionably some folks like to suffer and then have the hard luck story to tell – it is a similar thing in the sense that telling those stories is just as key to them as anything else and they thrive from it.

It is far from being a positive characteristic. I tend to avoid it at work for example – one would probably be fired in no time for procrastinating and taking inefficient routes. However, it is one which we can so easily fall into and even take some pleasure from. This may sound totally strange to some people also. Why suffer in any shape or form, or waste time, when it is completely unnecessary? There is no real logic behind any of it, I guess it is just how some people are and I know there are random parts of me like that.