Time On Hands @Airports

For somebody who works in data and analysis, one would think I’d have a better grasp on the numbers here, but all I know from 2014 is that I flew a lot and spent a lot of time in airports. A silly amount. That said, I’ve got the planning and timing side of things down to an art form now, and I rarely waste time lounging around in an airport. I say rarely rather than never because I did spectacularly goof up recently missing a flight, but if there was ever a legitimate place to add ‘highly skilled traveller’ on a CV, I’d likely scribble it. There are however often times when delays and layovers contrive to upset the best laid plans. When that does happen, there’s only one thing to do to keep sane….people watch.

From Geneva to Heathrow and vice versa, I’m tired of the furniture, the restaurants, the gates, and the Duty Free. The only thing that changes is the people. During 2014 and the hours I’ve spent in the airports, I’ve categorised people in to four main groups based on a very scientific approach (also known as boredom & BS), but I reckon there may just be something in this. I have taken people’s approach to escalators and moving walkways and lumped them in to four categories of people and their approach on life. Random yes, but let’s see if it works....bear with me!

The World Bypassers

These guys are the one who stroll on to the moving walkway and stand there. The whole wide world can just pass them by, even if they are the ones sauntering through the airport, chilled as you like, and probably blocking off the rest of the world who want to pass. They won’t even get irate if somebody gets frustrated with them, that is not their problem. They have a pace and they are happy to be taken to their destination. Don’t try rush them, they won’t be rushed, and actually, they don’t really care what you think. They’re in the zone and nothing is going to ruin that upcoming beach or chill time.

Likely Destinations: Amsterdam, California or Hawaii

The Step Walkers

The escalator may be busy, it may be completely clear, but these guys will prefer to take the stairs rather than the escalator regardless. Whether it’s a phobia of the technological options, a weight-loss/get fit tactic, or they are just on a mission to get there, it is the staircase all the way for these folks. There may be a simple, quicker, easier route to get to where they want to be, but these guys enjoy the challenge. That may involve complicating things a little at times but only because the easy route can be boring at times.

Likely Destinations: Scotland, Iceland or Switzerland

The Efficient Technologists

This group is one which is at ease with technology and buy into being economical with the path they need to take. A to B in the quickest or energy-effective method or route. They may walk on the escalator or the moving walkway, but they will take it every time. Why not get there at a reasonable pace or be economical with your energy? Incredibly logical and practical, they are likely to be superb suitcase packers, and take enough clothes to last them for just the right amount of time they are away for.

Likely Destinations: Munich, Tokyo or Singapore

The Uphill Taskers

OK so I may not have actually seen this happen other than a few pesky kids, but you get the feeling with some people and the serious march they have going on, that they would walk on either the escalator or the moving walkway in the opposite direction if it meant getting to where they needed to be – a little bit like the old Gladiator show when the contestants had to run up the moving travellator. They are either panicking at the thought of missing their flight, or they just refuse to let anything or anyone get in their way. It’s just business they say, don’t take it personally. Cross them at your peril….although innocently (but on purpose) trying to slow them down can only bring some smug satisfaction. That or hope the Easyjet crew ask them to place their bulging cabin case in the impossibly small measuring device.

Likely Destinations: London City or New York

You’re sat there (all 3 of you) reading this thinking you’re a little bit of one or two of them. Or maybe it depends on the circumstance, reason for travel, or destination ahead. I think I’ve gone through all the different phases myself over the years. The biggest thing I have come to learn is that any dramas or delays are almost certainly not the fault of the staff that work in the airports. Likewise, you don’t get there any faster by getting stressed. And last but not least, if you have a bag checked in, definitely do not stress to get on the plane if you’re running late. The hassle of them rummaging through the under-carriage just to find your bag gives you a good 20 minute window…..but don’t whatever you do, upset The Uphill Taskers!