Bend It Like Bazza

There’s a million and one adjectives I would use to describe myself. I’m not shy….there’s plenty of good ones mixed in with the negatives ones. I’ll admit I’m massively weak at X, just as I’ll say I’m pretty good at Y. In fact, I’d rarely say it, unless I’m as comfortable as can be with you, but I consider myself to be a ruthless and objective self-assessor. I won’t punish or praise myself for too long, and I’ll move on. Of all the positive or negative adjectives I could possibly use about myself, I would not use naïve as being one of them.

Very little surprises me in life. Professionally, I’ve seen plenty and there’s little that shocks or stuns me, so being naïve about X, Y and Z hardly ever happens. Are sporting events at the highest level fixed? I have little doubt. The sport that you love and adore? I’ll say somewhere, somehow, it is fixed. It may be drugs, it may be match-fixing….could be anything. Waking up as a young pup in 1988 to the news that Ben Johnson was doping in Seoul just about ruined me. The worst you can imagine, I expect it and I’m rarely surprised.

So, let’s rewind to Junior Bobby. This boy was brought up on a certain old crooner that sang ballad after ballad on any of my lengthier road trips. Holidays weren’t too common back in the day and Auntie Joan and Uncle George used to ease the burden on my folks and take me and my stinky sister (it was World Sibling Day not so long ago and that is my tribute H – you’d be disappointed if any different!) to Primrose Valley for an awesome caravan stay. I loved them. The highlight of the road trips was the music and the singing to the one and only Barry Manilow.

Growing up, I’d frequently get stick for my appreciation for Bazza and that is fair. At all the various stages of my life, Barry and Bon Jovi have been ever-presents. Totally different artists, not everybody’s cup of tea, but that’s ok. In terms of my passion for the pair, I’d categorise Bon Jovi for the music and Barry more for the words. Many a time I’d listen carefully to the words of a Barry tune and just be fascinated at what a life he must have led. So much sentiment, so much charm, so much feeling. Not that it bloody worked for me with the women, but I always enjoyed the words as much as the music.

Fast forward to three weeks ago, when I’m googling ‘Barry Manilow tour’ to find out if he’s coming back to the UK and I can wangle some tickets for my mum. To my surprise, Old Bazza has only gotten married to his manager Garry Kief. Turns out, the entire family always thought he was gay, but I literally had zero inkling at all! I guess I was completely side-tracked by the beautiful words and crafted songs written about women to ever really give it any thought over the years.

Not that anything changes – my love for Barry will indeed be eternal. I may revisit various songs just to see if I did actually miss any clues in there of course. The biggest thing springing to my mind is the fact that it’s obviously been hidden (from me any way!) until his career is coming close to an end and he is 71 years-old. That’s sad to me, but I hope it’s not stopped him from having a bit of fun!

Maybe I have a naïve side after all.

Time On Hands @Airports

For somebody who works in data and analysis, one would think I’d have a better grasp on the numbers here, but all I know from 2014 is that I flew a lot and spent a lot of time in airports. A silly amount. That said, I’ve got the planning and timing side of things down to an art form now, and I rarely waste time lounging around in an airport. I say rarely rather than never because I did spectacularly goof up recently missing a flight, but if there was ever a legitimate place to add ‘highly skilled traveller’ on a CV, I’d likely scribble it. There are however often times when delays and layovers contrive to upset the best laid plans. When that does happen, there’s only one thing to do to keep sane….people watch.

From Geneva to Heathrow and vice versa, I’m tired of the furniture, the restaurants, the gates, and the Duty Free. The only thing that changes is the people. During 2014 and the hours I’ve spent in the airports, I’ve categorised people in to four main groups based on a very scientific approach (also known as boredom & BS), but I reckon there may just be something in this. I have taken people’s approach to escalators and moving walkways and lumped them in to four categories of people and their approach on life. Random yes, but let’s see if it works....bear with me!

The World Bypassers

These guys are the one who stroll on to the moving walkway and stand there. The whole wide world can just pass them by, even if they are the ones sauntering through the airport, chilled as you like, and probably blocking off the rest of the world who want to pass. They won’t even get irate if somebody gets frustrated with them, that is not their problem. They have a pace and they are happy to be taken to their destination. Don’t try rush them, they won’t be rushed, and actually, they don’t really care what you think. They’re in the zone and nothing is going to ruin that upcoming beach or chill time.

Likely Destinations: Amsterdam, California or Hawaii

The Step Walkers

The escalator may be busy, it may be completely clear, but these guys will prefer to take the stairs rather than the escalator regardless. Whether it’s a phobia of the technological options, a weight-loss/get fit tactic, or they are just on a mission to get there, it is the staircase all the way for these folks. There may be a simple, quicker, easier route to get to where they want to be, but these guys enjoy the challenge. That may involve complicating things a little at times but only because the easy route can be boring at times.

Likely Destinations: Scotland, Iceland or Switzerland

The Efficient Technologists

This group is one which is at ease with technology and buy into being economical with the path they need to take. A to B in the quickest or energy-effective method or route. They may walk on the escalator or the moving walkway, but they will take it every time. Why not get there at a reasonable pace or be economical with your energy? Incredibly logical and practical, they are likely to be superb suitcase packers, and take enough clothes to last them for just the right amount of time they are away for.

Likely Destinations: Munich, Tokyo or Singapore

The Uphill Taskers

OK so I may not have actually seen this happen other than a few pesky kids, but you get the feeling with some people and the serious march they have going on, that they would walk on either the escalator or the moving walkway in the opposite direction if it meant getting to where they needed to be – a little bit like the old Gladiator show when the contestants had to run up the moving travellator. They are either panicking at the thought of missing their flight, or they just refuse to let anything or anyone get in their way. It’s just business they say, don’t take it personally. Cross them at your peril….although innocently (but on purpose) trying to slow them down can only bring some smug satisfaction. That or hope the Easyjet crew ask them to place their bulging cabin case in the impossibly small measuring device.

Likely Destinations: London City or New York

You’re sat there (all 3 of you) reading this thinking you’re a little bit of one or two of them. Or maybe it depends on the circumstance, reason for travel, or destination ahead. I think I’ve gone through all the different phases myself over the years. The biggest thing I have come to learn is that any dramas or delays are almost certainly not the fault of the staff that work in the airports. Likewise, you don’t get there any faster by getting stressed. And last but not least, if you have a bag checked in, definitely do not stress to get on the plane if you’re running late. The hassle of them rummaging through the under-carriage just to find your bag gives you a good 20 minute window…..but don’t whatever you do, upset The Uphill Taskers!

Random Sporting Thoughts

I failed for the first time this year on producing a New Year’s blog making sporting predictions for the year ahead. After essentially promising Floyd and Manny would fight for the last 15 years (it feels that long), I can officially confirm that they agreed to fight this year purely because they didn’t feel the weight of expectation based on my annual blog. We may be a few months into the year, but still plenty to predict and look forward to…..and I have to write another blog for work tomorrow which I have to nail, so I need to get back into this writing business!

Manny & Floyd

We may as well start at the start. I am giddy. I have been known to get giddy about the biggest fight ever numerous times (for numerous read monthly) in the past. This is it though. This is as big as they come. So how do it see it? For once, I am sticking with my initial thought that Floyd wins on points. It is so easy to get caught up in these fights and the hype and go back and forth on them, and I have had thoughts that Manny’s workrate is too much for Floyd. However, I still just have to go for Floyd. Defence is impeccable, he’ll land with enough straight rights and his accuracy percentages will be way way higher. Manny will land more punches, but I’m dubious about how many quality shots he will land. So much will depend on the judges, but if it comes to that which I am pretty sure it will, Floyd will get any favours. It’s one of the reasons they are fighting in Vegas. Floyd on points.

Josh Warrington

You may not know the name but he’s fighting tonight at the First Direct Arena in Leeds. He’s a hometown boy, went to the same school as me, and he is good. You’ll only know him if you’re from Leeds or love Boxing, but remember the name.

Barca or Bayern?

Those two are my picks to go all the way in the Champions League this season, and I am slightly edging Barca. I do think Paris (you may still say PSG, but they actually asked UEFA to change their short name for branding purposes) could test them but I favour Barca to get a good enough result at home while Paris are without some key players in David Luiz, Thiago Motta, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Marco Verratti and that may be a little too much to overcome.

Why Barca over Bayern? Super tough call and little to separate them. I just edge Barca because I think they have the greater individual attacking brilliance to turn a tight game, I think Rakitic has adapted so well and come strong in the last couple of months that they have recaptured their best form, and I just think Barca are tested at the highest level a little more often than Bayern domestically which may give them a marginal edge.

My only hope is that they avoid each other until the final.

Rugby League Rule Change

Saw plenty of NRL the last week which was thoroughly enjoyable. A definite upgrade in intensity from Super League, and fierce competition. The Bulldogs versus the Rabbitohs was a quality match, but there was an interesting moment when a player was forced off through a bad injury which came from a naughty knee to the head. Not pleasant. In those circumstances where a team loses a player through injury due to foul play (could be a penalty or if the referee puts a player on report), the team on the receiving end should be able to use an additional player outside of the four replacements they have on the bench. Seems harsh to penalise a team due to foul play. This goes across multiple sports, but a general frustration of mine for so much punishment that goes on in sport, is that it rarely does not benefit the team that the crimes were committed against in that specific game – it’s the team(s) their opponents play next. #rantover

A Sucker For Stories

Today at 6.30pm UK time the Ottawa Senators will play in Philadelphia in the NHL. The Sens need a point to reach the play-offs. In their last 30 matches, they have won 22, picked up a point in 4, and only lost 4 of those games – an unbelievable run and if they do manage to do it today, it will be a story in itself. The Sens General Manager is a chap called Bryan Murray – he’s been there since 2005. In November, it was announced that he has colon cancer – stage 4 meaning it has no cure, and his deterioration has visibly shown in the last few months. He’s one of those older chaps who you see and listen to and think you’d be happy enough if he was your granddad. I sincerely hope, and I think they will, that the Sens can produce the goods today and do it for him.

Speaking Of Loveable Grandad Types

Sad news of the passing of Richie Benaud yesterday. Another one who just sounded like a gentlemen, an excellent player converting into an excellent commentator/analyst. There are not too many Aussie sportsmen who have endeared themselves to the English as much as Richie – and that is as big an achievement as anything.

Roberto Martinez

Soft Bobby has left the room and here comes Ruthless Robby. I’d sack him personally. Sounds harsh after a record points tally last season, but I’m not convinced by a number of his fundamentals. Transfers are questionable, tactically struggles to change a game in-play, has struggled to juggle his players and prioritise the right games at times this season, and more than anything else, his excessive praise of the players – ‘amazing, incredible, fantastic’ – even in defeat, is beyond believable. Harsh, but I think we continue to decline with him in charge.