Pulling Another One

I’ve always been one for practical jokes and comedy. There is nothing better than an uncontrollable hearty laugh with tears rolling down your face. I think it is healthy for everybody to have a laugh as often as possible. I’m not a movie fan really – if I’m going to waste 90 minutes of my life, I’m going to watch 22 hairy blokes chase a ball around on a strip of grass, and I’m not referring to some cheeky RomCom or Carry On movie. However, every so often, usually when I am sat on an aeroplane, I love nothing more than an Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn movie or an episode of Just for Laughs to forget the world for a while and enjoy one of those mindless spells of comedy. The outside world doesn’t matter, my problems, my worries, my work is gone for a period of time, where I enjoy pure unadulterated stupidity.

I’ve always been a huge fan of practical jokes. That largely came from my granddad Paco in Mallorca who was notorious for it. It may have been a tap on the other shoulder, or a ‘look at that bird/you’ve just lost your ice-cream’ kind of moment. That rubbed off on to my dad, and on to me. There is a mixture of pure goofiness, with a slight touch of wit. I might be being a touch generous with the wit there. I’m generally a modest person, but when it comes to practical jokes, I rank some of them among my greatest accomplishments and I’m as proud of them as I am anything else.

My peak came at university, and I was reminded of some of them last summer at an awesome wedding in Rome. They sprung back to my mind recently around an old uni mate’s wedding in Madrid in October. He was often on the receiving end of many of my pranks at university. One of my all-time favourites came in our final year of university. Adrian had broken a bone in his wrist (this story ain’t going there!) and had been to the doctor’s for a check-up. Two days later he received a letter in the post saying there were some serious complications and he had to return immediately for an operation. I think the term amputation may even have been used. It lasted long enough until he eventually sussed out why I was curled up in a ball in tears of laughter. You need to know the recipient well enough that they are unlikely to throw a haymaker. I don’t think I’ve ever pulled a practical joke on somebody I didn’t know really well and could judge what their reaction would be. I’m struggling to understand how I was even invited to his wedding after that one.

You need to know how far to let the prank go before pulling it. I am terrible at keeping them in for the long term and usually break out in laughter anyhow, so this is rarely a problem. There was one where I hid in the bathroom closet waiting for Adrian to come in and to scare the living daylights out of him. I didn’t quite plan for the speed at which he could get his kit off for the shower. Awkward, but comical all round.

Another of my pranks came in the first year of university. The most pristine chap on our floor in the halls of residence left his room open one tragic day. Somehow a chicken breast found its way into his toilet cistern. This one took a good five days to develop but when it did, it proved to be an absolute belter. The gradual stench from his room was not pleasant and John was so proud about his appearance, smell, and general demeanour. This one was the patient prank, the slow burner which disguises any trace you had of planting it as he couldn’t recall anybody being in his room in the 2/3 days in which it started to offend him and others. Such practical jokes require some serious planning. You do need to understand and accept that if you got them with a cracker, you have to expect some kind of filthy retribution. If you give it, you gotta take it. I was on the receiving end of an online dating prank. I sussed it out eventually, but I admit it did take some time before I realised some smoking hot Russian blonde babe could not really be interested in some spotty, skinny, and skint 18-year-old student at Liverpool Uni.

I cannot think of any of my friends or family that I see on a regular basis that I do not share a regular laugh or smile with. The first thing that usually happens when I go back to Leeds and share a pint with some of the boys in my family, is the commencement of some serious piss taking. Whether you’ve done something good, messed up royally, or had grave misfortune or sadness, you’re going to get hammered at some point. It keeps me grounded, it lifts me up, it keeps me focused, it helps me get a grip on reality which could otherwise take a while. If you can’t laugh, the alternative ain’t so much fun.

I’m easing up on the practical jokes and there is certainly a time and a place for some jokes. I have not completely mastered that, but I’m (generally) learning the art of appropriateness. That said, sharing a funny story, a funny moment, a cheap joke or just a smile or light-hearted moment makes life that much more enjoyable and entertaining.

A Social Experiment

When I was a young chap, around 6 or 7 years old, I used to be sat in the classroom waiting for the bell to ring to signal the end of school. I had no idea who was picking me up – whether it was my mum, or whether it was my friend’s mum. There was a big difference. As my cheeky ironing comment and picture on Facebook this week will hopefully have implied, I have a sensational relationship with my mum – sensational enough to get away with that kind of crap - and I love her dearly. However, I usually prayed for Mrs Elwood to be picking me up.  You see, Mrs Elwood, was the gem of a mother who used to pick her son up and bring him some sweets and a drink when he left the classroom. She was kind enough to bring something for me when she was collecting us, and for sweet-tooth Bobby Junior, that was often the centre of my thoughts for the last couple of hours at school.

Cash was not particularly easy to come by at our house. That is not a sob story and I actually do not think any of the four of us would change anything. There were tough moments, but it made us stronger, and who we are today. There was no shortage of love nor laughs. Of course, being one of the few kids in school not to have a Sega or Nintendo, or a sweet-laden angel for a mother picking us up from school was not easy to take sometimes. I watched in envy at so many of my classmates with their bag of crisps and Coke, or struggled to talk about a computer game I had only ever played at my friend’s house. I would pester my mum for a pair of Nike trainers rather than no-name generic white trainers. The response was short and swift. Clean the car, iron the clothes, tickle my feet (that is no joke!)…and when we were older, it meant getting a paper round and then a job. Earning a living sucked between the ages of 8-14.

It started with paper rounds, and it moved on to working in restaurant kitchens with my dad, where I washed the pots for £15 a night. I wanted to go on a school trip to Dortmund when I was 14? I was paying for it myself. I was washing pots and plates in a frenzy at weekends to raise the money and when I did, I found the satisfaction from having earned it, so much better than having it given to me. In fairness, I should add that part of that motivation also came from my discovery of German girls. I went to Dortmund five times and paid for each one myself.

As I got older, money gradually became less difficult to come by and I figured that the harder I work, the more money I would earn. That was not strictly true, but it helped. Once I was able to buy an ipad, iphone, nice clothes and whatever else that I could never afford, that effect pretty quickly rubbed off. Perhaps it is a sign of getting older, but I sense a transition in how I spend my time and my money. I will not attribute getting older with becoming more mature – there’s a difference. I appreciate that swanning off to Vegas for a big fight is not necessarily mature or sensible at times. However, it is the moments that attract me now, not the material.

Fast forward to next Thursday and I am going to Old Trafford to watch the first day of England v Australia with my Dad, Uncs and Cousin. We’re getting dropped off and picked up so nobody has to worry about driving, and needless to say it is going to be a filthy day of drinking, and having a blast with the Aussies. You may tell that I am looking forward to it somewhat. When I’m a grey-haired (I’m begging for grey over baldness!) old chap sat in a rocking chair jabbering on about the old days, these will be the kind of stories I will recount to anybody who will listen. I will not be chatting about the day I bought an iPad mini or this great Sony Vaio that can make do everything but make toast.

So, here comes the social experiment. I have another four tickets to the Ashes at Old Trafford on Sunday, August 4^th and I will not be going. I want them to go to a good home and I do not want any money for them. I want them to go to folks who typically may not be able to go to something like this. I want them to go to folks who perhaps do not get to spend enough time together, or who may not have had or been able to share enough ‘moments’ recently. I don’t want a begging letter. If you ask me for them, I will trust that the reasons and rationale are genuine, and hopefully you’re doing a good turn for somebody who perhaps deserves one. If I receive a million requests, I’ll just send them to somebody randomly so don’t be offended if you do not get them. If it rains, don’t blame me. You’ll have to pay for your own travel, so consider that and do your research first. All I ask is that they are not wasted and they go to a really good home. My guess/hope is that this day at Old Trafford will stick in your memory longer than the cash equivalent or any gadget I could give you. And in fairness, if you read my blog, and are still reading the last paragraph, you deserve a treat.

Overs & Unders

Every so often I like to sit back and assess things in life that I consider to be underrated, and equally things which are just plain and simple overrated. If we understand the value of something, we can measure things up against expectation. That's my measured approach to a lot of things which helps me balance my emotions. Some may say that is overrated. Here are five things that I currently think are over and underrated.

The Underrated

Ireland

After spending the 4 days travelling around Ireland at the end of June, I can say that in all my travels, I have never come across such amazing friendliness and customer service as this trip. From the Hotel owners who made bacon sandwiches, put the Lions Rugby on, and ironed my shirt for the wedding, to the car rental gent who drove us to the hotel rather than the airport, nothing was too much for them. Well and truly spoiled.

RnR

Sleep should be in the overrated column as most of my 2 blog readers are aware of, but Rest and Relaxation is firmly underrated. Taking the time out of a busy schedule to recharge the good old batteries is essential, and one thing I have been learning to do more recently.

Reading

I am probably scribbling this to the wrong audience as you're reading right now, but one thing I tell myself and need to action is to start reading more consistently. A case of finding the time, but I am trying to commit to 30 minutes every day.

Weather Forecasts

Planning for any weather is sensible, but it's a tough old game. Was lucky enough to have a great day (some would say 'the' rather than 'a') for a fabulous wedding in Ireland, but expecting good weather these days is a mug's game. Some of the extreme weather conditions recently have been crazy, and it makes me wonder what it will be like in some 10 or 20 years. I have spared several thoughts for folks in Calgary after the crazy weather there – I sincerely hope and expect the city has rebounded with a sensational Stampede.

Depression

Watching Clarke Carlisle’s superb documentary about depression and suicide in football was a fair eye-opener. As I scribbled a few months ago, I genuinely believe that the biggest area of high performance in sport for potential growth is psychology. If you haven’t seen it, find an illegal download or something. (Oh and piracy may be one of the biggest threats to sport!)

The Overrated

Early Early Flights

I don't mind getting up early, and I don't mind flying. I have had a couple of 6.30am flights recently, and that meant waking up at stupid o'clock. It is one thing to have to get up early morning, it is another to have to wake up through the night. That moment of rubbing my eyes and then putting my contact lenses in is grim to say the least.

Travel Agents

Does anybody even use them anymore? I haven't since I was something like 17 and it is unlikely I will do so again. I guess it is a convenience thing, but I just think if you're willing to do the research yourself, you'll find better options that way. Exchanging money is another one - withdrawing the money on your debit card in the country when you land often has a way better exchange rate than at the Travel Agents.

Sci-fi movies

I actually started writing this blog in a cinema watching 'After Earth'. Not my cup of tea as my mum would say. If anybody you know suggests going to watch this movie, you should defriend them on Facebook and potentially in life in general. You would only thank me for it if you knew.

Friendlies

Friendly people are fine, but friendly matches in football are an absolute nonsense to me. They serve a purpose (more than internationals at least) for building fitness and cohesion in a match environment, but I have little time for watching them. Now that so many of them are televised due to the thirst for live action, it sensationalises David Moyes’ first loss as Man Utd manager etc. Who cares?

P4P

Last year, if you have the inclination to re-read any of my blogs, I predicted Tim Bradley would beat Manny Pacquiao. I was lucky and it was a horrendously poor decision. However, I am going to predict a couple more. I think Canelo Alvarez gives Floyd Mayweather as tough a test as any fighter has given Floyd in his career. He may not necessarily beat him, but it would not surprise me. I will also go on record as saying Johny Hendricks will beat GSP in Vegas in November. As much as I have absolutely loved watching Manny, Floyd, Anderson Silva and GSP in recent years, I fear their time is coming to an end.

Randomazos

Moments in time

How many moments in a day, in a week, in a month, in a year do you get to have some ‘me’ time…some ‘quiet’ time….some ‘quality’ time…some ‘thinking’ time? The answer for me is rare and I am entirely to blame for that. I live a fairly fast life which I enjoy, we all know sleep is overrated, and I like productivity. That said, finding the time to read a book, or to write a blog, is essential. I have failed on both those counts recently, but finding the time on a long flight to North America with no calls, no internet, no sport, no nothing to distract me, is an opportunity for me. Blogger Bobby is back!

A smile a day….

I checked in prior to my flight this morning and was greeted at the counter by an old jolly Scottish gentlemen who was insanely pleasant. Now I am not suggesting I want to start every morning at 6am with a Scottish chap putting a smile on my face, but if you encounter somebody with such a positivity radiating from them early in the morn, it can surely only lead to a good day.

Spain v Germany

Is it just me or do virtually all major football matches these days seem to be Spain v Germany? I cannot wait for the Champions League semi-finals though I hope the two Spanish teams are kept apart, and the two German teams, just to see some different match-ups. That said, I will never tire of these recent Real Madrid v Barca games. I cannot decide whether my favourite is Real Madrid or Bayern. I sense Dortmund just lack a fraction in this company, and I sense that Barca are struggling physically more now than I can recall in the last few years. Real are peaking, Bayern are fresh. Their tie last year was close, Bayern edged the penalties, but I felt Real were ever so marginally the better team. I think both teams have improved this season once again, and if I have to choose, I’ll just edge Real, but it is 51/49 between them two for me.

Bloody Hockey

I am not sure how I feel about this rule in Hockey. If a high stick hits an opponent, you receive a two minute penalty. If there is blood drawn, then it is doubled to a four minute penalty for the aggressor. I watched a game this week where a ‘high-sticking’ offence occurred and the player on the receiving end was desperately checking his mouth aggressively trying to find some blood from somewhere. Now I am not suggesting he was trying to cheat (just insinuating!), but there seems to be that little space for a bit of creative ‘rubbing’ shall we say.

Stressed

Turns out I have a stress fracture in my foot after visiting the docs this week. I have had a pain in my left foot for the best part of a month. I’ve tried rest, I’ve tried running through it, but something was not quite right. Evidently that was the case. The Swiss medical system is fascinating. Legally, you must have health insurance – there are various options in terms of the premium you pay. I pay the lowest amount per month but I have to pay the first 2000 CHF of any medical bills I incur over the year. I figure unless I need something drastic like a brain transplant, I may as well go down that route. This trip to the doctors was lengthy due to the check, the x-ray, the diagnosis. The itemised bills show that you are charged for every five minutes of the doctor’s time that you take. Picture me checking my watch frantically counting the five minute segments.

Future of Sports Performance & Life

The more I work in performance analysis and the more I live, the more I believe that the psychology of sport, of performance, of so many of the things we do in life are affected by our psychological make-up. That may sound so obvious, that may sound random, I am not really sure. What I do know is that for all the statistics of passes, possession, tackles and shots that you may have on a player on any sport, one of the most important (largely) unquantifiable elements is the psychological part of the game. Think of some of your favourite players and think about their psychological characteristics – their drive, their determination, their passion, their will to win, their tantrums when they lose, their unflappable nature. Whether is good trait or a bad one, recognising and harnessing it as a player or a coach is key to high performance in the early stages of their careers, during and after. There are some pioneers in sport who have focused on this in recent years, but it is still one element that is not paid enough attention to. I think it is the same in our everyday lives, and one we do not really pay as much attention to as we should. If I ever decide to return to a classroom….and I swore I was finished with formal education a few years back….it will be in this area.

Amir Khan

There was a documentary last night on boxer Amir Khan and I can’t help but like and respect him. He is one of my two favourite British fighters right now along with Carl Froch – two fighters who have faced the best possible quality of opponents they could have in the last few years, and have not shirked any challenges. Their fights are tough, they take chances, they are exciting to watch. Khan v Diaz this later this month will be a good fight, and Froch v Kessler in May will be immense. If you’re going to watch a fight this year, watch one of those, particularly the Froch one and you won’t be disappointed. And if you are, you’re ticked off my list for the next trip to Vegas.

Be Still

Be still
And go on to bed
Nobody knows what lies ahead
And life is short
To say the least
We're in the belly of the beast

Be still
Wild and young
Long may your innocence reign
Like shells on the shore
And may your limits be unknown
And may your efforts be your own
If you ever feel you can't take it anymore

Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Rise up like the sun
Labor till the work is done

Be still
One day you'll leave
Fearlessness on your sleeve
When you've come back, tell me what did you see
What did you see
Was there something out there for me?

Be still
Close your eyes
Soon enough you'll be on your own
Steady and straight
And if they drag you through the mud
It doesn't change what's in your blood
Over chains
When they knock you down

Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Be still
Be still
Be still
Be still

Over rock and chain
Over sunset plain
Over trap and snare
When you're in too deep
In your wildest dream
In your made up scheme
When they knock you down
When they knock you down

Don't break character
You've got so much heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Oh Rise up like the sun
And labor till the work is done
Rise up like the sun
Labor till the work is

Rise up like the sun
And labor till the work is done

Awesome lyrics, awesome band. Burns, Bobby, & Brandon in Delaney's Dublin - 22/02/2013

The Trust Factor

If you have not heard about some chap called Lance in the last 24 hours in some shape or form, then it would be worth visiting an opticians or getting a hearing test. If you don’t want to hear anything about a chap called Lance, then I’ll understand if you press the X button in the top right corner of this page.

If you haven't seen the Lance Armstrong interview, I would suggest watching it. My good lady and I woke at 6am this morning to watch it before work, and it was captivating stuff.

My initial thoughts on the show and him:

Would have loved to have seen Jeremy Paxman or somebody like that interview. David Frost perhaps. Oprah does what Oprah does, but she let him avoid answering questions way too much. It would also have been interesting/better had it remained a yes or no interview the whole way through.

Let's see just how long he keeps his stance of not wanting to implicate others or dish the dirt. Naturally, it is way too late for that, but there are a lot of people who must be petrified right now and rightly so. Maintaining this stance of denial for so long, and being allowed to get away with it, means that some folks at the highest level of sport, possibly law enforcement and government, have let this go.

Interesting position he took on the level of doping at the time. By playing down the level of sophistication as having access to the same as everybody else, and by implying that most cyclists were doing it so it was ‘a level playing field’, he is maintaining his stance and arrogance that he was the best regardless.

I have no idea if he will serve a prison sentence, though I did read that there are statutes of limitation on how he cannot be punished given the timeframes involved – 5 or 8 years depending on what you read. Even so, whatever he has to go through, and there will surely be some suffering, he will come out of this just fine. He'll turn it around, and use it to his advantage somehow whether it is via the media, or giving back to the sport and rebuilding his character somehow.

This article (http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/id/8852974/lance-armstrong-history-lying) got me randomly thinking about trust. The author trusted Lance. A lot of people did. It is the same in every-day life when people do things they promise not to, or lie, or whatever it may be. Some of the people I have a great deal of admiration and care for have that level of trust – they see the good in people from the outset and trust until that trust is broken. I can only think it is a positive thing that those kind natured people exist in this world. Some would call it naivety. Others have scepticism and a lack of trust until it is earned.

I remember waking up to watch the 1988 Olympics and seeing the scandal of Ben Johnson failing the drugs test. I could not and did not want to believe it. Little Bobby scampered upstairs at some ungodly hour and woke mum and dad up with the news. I could not believe it.

Having worked in sport and betting, and having grown up, I can't paint the happy picture that so many want to believe is true. That the athletes we idolise don't cheat, don't take drugs, don't take payments for losing games. It is more rife than any of us can imagine. A sad reality and not one that anybody can take pleasure from as it threatens to ruin the sports we love and why we love them.

All that this Lance episode will achieve is adding that degree of scepticism in the minds of many. How many others on sport are doping? When you see some of the outstanding performances at a World Cup or an Olympics, how many of those are cheating and it is just not detected?

This whole episode is similar to the Jimmy Savile case. Stick with me on this, I appreciate the comparison is a little random but I’m banking on the fact that Lance 1. doesn’t read my blog and 2. that he won’t be suing anybody else for a while. Perhaps not quite so horrendous as Savile I'll give you that, but another example of how somebody can somehow live a life of such deceit, denial and dishonour, and fool their way through. At least Lance will suffer the consequences, Savile was lucky he died and then it came out. How these lies can be covered up is totally beyond me and it is concerning.

I guess they are covered up because there are people out there who are at fault for allowing it to happen. Unfortunately, it is our trust in people that allows us to be suckered in by people like this. The dreams are nice, but there has always been and always will be, folks like this willing to benefit and profit from building that mythical dream based on lies and deceit.

I think most of us build trust in one of two ways. We either approach everything with scepticism and let people build and earn trust. Or we begin with a level of trust already, and then let it erode or strengthen as the relationships builds. Unfortunately the latter leaves us open to being disappointed, let down and betrayed by events like this. The former is not necessarily the best to approach things, and it arguably may lead to us not building relationships for fear of that betrayal, but it is the defence mechanism inside us which protects us. The best approach is surely to be as open minded as possible, but I fear our tendency is to lean in one of the two directions I mentioned.

With Lance, just as with Jimmy, folks have been suckered in to wanting to believe it was not true, despite all the evidence, and the rumours, suggesting otherwise. I fell for it when I was a young pup with Ben Johnson. I’m not suggesting that treating everything with cynicism is the best route forward. Just as it helps to find the positive in a bad situation, keeping it in mind that idols and dreams may well possess flaws, can do no harm. It may reduce expectations but it decreases the disappointment.