An Englishman in LA

Another month of fun and games. Winter has crept upon on us pretty sneakily in October. Some would say Autumn has arrived, I would say Winter is upon us. That is not a negative, I don’t mind either of them. But the bitter cold has arrived in Switzerland, and I’m faced with the reality of some cold feet in bed warming themselves on me which I love.

My latest escapade took me to California last weekend. I seem to be making a habit of these kinds of trips at this kind of year – maybe I subconsciously suffer from a mid-Autumn crisis. Caught up with an old mate, and took in two fantastic sporting events. I have been lucky this month with sporting events as each and every game/ fight I have seen has been pretty darn entertaining. That does not always happen, especially being an Everton fan.

My partner in crime was unable to join me on this one. No trips are the same without HJ. This time, I travelled with a new travel buddy, a cuddly Mexican with warm feet. No HJ, but a pretty good replacement I must admit. Tolerant is another good adjective to describe him as he patiently accompanied me to random stores trying to find a gift for HJ. 5 Bloomingdales, 4 Macys, 3 Nordstroms, 2 Saks and a partridge in a pear tree later, we ended up in Victoria Secret and La Perla.

I am in Los Angeles, nobody here knows me. Yet for some reason, whenever I enter lingerie stores or sections, everybody else seems to leave the vicinity, the staff focus their attentions on me, and the spotlight is firmly zooming in on my every movement. I wander around for a while trying act cool, but they almost always approach me wanting to help this lost puppy on his mission. They ask me questions, they want to help me. I stutter. I stammer: I can feel my forehead starting to sweat. I ask a few questions out of politeness, but I am desperately attempting to escape the conversation and their attentions as quickly as possible. One more lap of the store, and I make my exit. Mission failed.

I cannot quite explain it. None of this stuff embarrasses me. I am no shrinking violet, let’s put it that way. But the whole scene just seems to make me uncomfortable. I have bought various gifts for HJ over the last five years, and have yet to nail this lingerie business. Back to the drawing board.

I ended up bringing home three t-shirts – Marc by Marc Jacobs, Jcrew by Jcrew and Nike by Nike. I was happy with all three, but I somehow cannot help but feel I failed on this one. I am determined to get this right, and I have a couple more good opportunities on my travels in the next two months to succeed in this battle for Christmas. Losing weight was easier than this but I will not be beaten.