True Fibs

How often do you fib? When I say fib, I mean one of those which does not constitute a lie, but a fib which is basically a small harmless lie. A gentle fib. A friendly fib.

The last time I fibbed was in Vegas last November – apologies if I missed any other minor fibs out there, but this is the one which sticks to my mind. HJ and I were going down the elevator in Planet Hollywood’s huge shopping centre, and I accidentally let one go. Much to my shame, it really wasn’t pleasant. Now, there are not many things which embarrass or humiliate me, but breaking wind in front of a lady is up there with the worst I think. It’s bizarre in the sense of burping etc, I wouldn’t think twice, but this just seems to make me blush. Funny one really as it does not run in the family nor weighs heavily on my dad’s mind!

Anyhow, I completely denied it when HJ asked me, purely out of shame and embarrassment, blaming the guy who was walking promptly past us in semi-consciousness.

It brought me back to a journey and conversation I had a couple of weeks ago. The tone of this blog post gets better I promise!

Flying back a couple of weeks ago to Geneva, we were sat adjacent to a couple and their child. The little girl was making a bit of a racket to be honest and seemed like one of those really snotty kids. On top of that, she was pretty chubby and bloody ugly. Now, this sounds really harsh, and I appreciate that. I sincerely hope she or her folks are not reading this. The fact is, I smiled and waved at the little girl, and managed to save the eardrums of many passengers. Had I broke into conversation with the mother or father, I would likely have said ‘Ahh, you have a beautiful child there’….or maybe something more like ‘Ahhh, vous avez une belle enfante’ in my bestest French. It would have been a complete fib, but I could hardly say anything else. One of those times when a fib is clearly best.

I recounted this story with friends a week later in London. My favourite Superbowl ticket-buying friend gave another example of how everybody always says how gorgeous the bride is, even if she would give the Gremlins or King Kong a good run for their money in the brutality stakes. It’s completely true. Who says that?

It made me wonder about other examples where fibs just roll off our tongues. How many times have you had a mouthful of dinner made by a close one, and rubbed your stomach in delight and humming when you would happily launch it in the nearest plant pot and feed it to the dog? How many times have you bumped into an old friend or colleague, heck maybe even family, and parted by saying ‘It was great seeing you’, or ‘We should keep in touch’, when both are blatant fibs?

We do it regularly, and I have no real shame in it. The fact is, I would not want to live in a world where people were blunt and so truthful in that sense, and freely hurting people’s feelings. Granted, my fib was slightly different and writing about it makes me feel about 7 years-old and back in the playground. Now I risk everybody reading this not believing anything I say from now onwards or fearing I may let another go in their presence, I realise this. But think about the last time you told a small fib, or used any of the examples above or similar, and unless you’re one of those people I dislike and go up to people telling them their baby is ugly, then you’ll know where I’m coming from.